in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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