I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
