im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
