How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
