just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
