He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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