Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
