Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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