literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
