I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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