hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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