Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
