I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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