I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
