My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
