If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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