a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
