there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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