I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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