I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
