God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
