evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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