he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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