fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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