apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize