when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
