Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
