BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
