I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
