What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
