i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
