am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
