just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
