Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
