I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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