I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize