i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
