Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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