drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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