No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
