I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
