The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He better not be in your backpack
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
