How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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