Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
