did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
