I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
