peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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