I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
