i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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