i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
