The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
