I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
