i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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