I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have peed in a lot of sinks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
