Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
