yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
