No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
