I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
