Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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