I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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