i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
