new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize