In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize