Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
