my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
